First BBQ of the summer

Chalking Nina Simone lyrics on the patio.

The lovely glowing Cynthia.

Stephan

When Stephan finished high school he decided that he wanted to be a florist. He began taking florist classes at the local hogeschool when he was eighteen. He was very good. He felt that it gave him an outlet for his creativity. He says that everybody likes flowers, everybody buys flowers, and that it is a very profitable business to go into. When most people go to a store and see bouquets of flowers for sale, they don't think much about the way that they are arranged. But Stephan does. When he sees the work of other florists he is critical of their work and imagines how he would have arranged and chosen them differently.
He says that ninety percent of tulips come from Africa. They are grown there, are cut before they've bloomed, and are then shipped to the Netherlands where they are then sold or shipped to another country to be sold. So it happens that, for instance, Egypt buys tulips from the Netherlands which have been grown in Africa.
Stephan travelled around the world by being a florist. The government of Holland wanted to promote the sale of Dutch flowers abroad so they paid for a group of florist students to go to other countries and arrange flowers on behalf of the Netherlands. Stephan was one of the lucky students who was chosen. He went to Greece, Spain, Japan, and Kenya. He spent seven days in each place but only got one day off to look around each city. He says that it doesn't really feel like he actually went to any of these countries because he didn't get to see much, but he can still say that he went there.
After he finished his florist studies he worked in a florist shop for a few years. It would get exceptionally busy during the holidays and he hated dealing with customers. Even though flowers tend to cost less in the Netherlands than in other countries, people would complain endlessly about the high price for a bouquet of flowers. They wanted their flowers cheap and they wanted them to last for two weeks. Stephan would always be very polite to the customers but inside his mind he was yelling "DIE! DIE! GO AWAY AND DIE!" This is when he realized that he could no longer continue on in this profession. He had lost his patience and he felt that he was no longer being creative. He was doing the same thing over and over again and no longer got fulfillment from it.
So he decided that he would study to be a florist teacher instead. He began instructing classes and he really enjoyed the experience. He was able to explain things easily to others and he felt that his creativity was being put to use. But after a while his vision began to deteriorate and he found it increasingly difficult to see everyone in the class while he was instructing. He was born was a genetic eye disorder and he was gradually developing tunnel vision. Doctors aren't able to say what will happen to his vision. He could be completely blind next week or he could have the vision that he has now until he's eighty. It's unpredictable. While he was teaching classes his vision worsened so that he could only see things which were directly in front of him and nothing else. He felt that he would not be able to become a teacher. So he quit.
He met his current girlfriend shortly after. They were helping to organize Tilburg's annual Fakkels Voor Vrede - Torches for Peace - march. He flirted with her for months but she didn't seem to notice or to care. When he finally built up enough courage to ask her out for a date, she said yes, and they went out. They felt a strong connection. But a few days after their date she was leaving to work in Greece for six months. They each wanted more than a friendship but they knew they didn't want to do the long distance thing. So they decided that it was best to put things on hold until she returned.
They moved in together when she came back. Stephan says that having a girlfriend isn't always very practical. They've been together for a few years now and he jokes that this is only because nothing better has come along. Maybe the problem, he says, is that neither of them are looking.

paranoid park and gypsy festivals

Tonight I went to the 10 o clock showing of Paranoid Park - a film set in Portland, Oregon. It was showing at a small volunteer run theatre, the Film Foyer, where the films cost 3.50 and the seats are super comfortable. There is one screen in the theatre. The door to the screening room is like the door to a bank vault. It slides shut on its own once the lights dim and the film has begun.
When I entered the theatre there were three people in the lobby: a woman at the register, a man whom I know to be the film projectionist, and a young woman. They said that they were glad that I had come because so far only one person had come to see the film. I ordered a coke and then I and the young woman went into the screening room. We sat down next to each other and introduced ourselves.
The chairs in the theatre are connected to the floor but they spin and so some of them were crooked. Sanne turned them all so that they were facing the front. I asked her if this kind of thing bothers her. She said that yes it does.
When the film was over we sat through the credits and then when the lights slowly came on we exchanged our thoughts about the film. Then we said goodnight to the projectionist and headed outside.
We began walking down the street, I unlocked my bike and pushed it alongside me, and then she unlocked hers. And we walked through the city with our bikes. She asked me if I would like to help out at a gypsy festival next month. There will be performances in the park just down the street from where I live. She is helping to organize it and she needs someone to take the tickets at the front gate. I said yes that I was interested.
I stuck my hand into my coat pocket to see how much change I had - if I had enough to get a drink, and then she asked if I wanted to get a drink. I laughed and said that I was just about to ask her the same thing.
We went into a cafe with high ceilings and live jazz music. We sat at the bar and talked for a while. She has been working at Paradox, a popular jazz cafe here in Tilburg where my housemate Hanneke also works. Sanne has been working there for ten years. She knows Hanneke. She says that she is a very interesting woman. I agreed.
She asked me about places I like to go to in Tilburg and I told her how the Hall of Fame was basically my second home during my first semester here. She asked me what I like about it and I told her. I asked her what she thinks about it and she told me that she has just finished writing her thesis on the Hall of Fame. She's doing a sort of social work and her research focuses on youth and on adults with mental disorders.
We exchanged email addresses. I told her that I will definitely help out at the gypsy festival next month. We stayed until the band played their last song. We rode our bikes through the city and then parted ways.

smiling my gloomy smile

I received this email from one of the writers of the school newspaper. Without explanation. With the subject line "Layed back girl."

I was thinking about you as
our own Erin Brokovitch
and hey, there you were
listening to the utter Polish
name of
Oldynski

I was dreaming away in you as
that typical Ann Arbor-sit in
back-to-the-sixties beauty
and hey there you were
long hair curling around
the corner, smiling your
gloomy smile

Telling me, at the moment, you are
quite layed back
have you ever been
anything else, I have
been thinking

I do wonder

Bought a coffee and a croissant today
at one of the cafes on campus
"Een en vijftig" said the woman at the register
and looking up at her
I was a bit stunned by her beauty
her loud red hair
and bright blue eye liner
bashfully I apologized for the 50 Euro bill

"Are you new here?" I asked
and she furrowed her brow and tilted her head to the side
"Here in this... in this..."
I suddenly felt quite foolish waving my arms in circles
motioning to the tables, the register, the counter
"Here in this cafe. I have never seen you before."

Handing my change to me she laughed and said
"No I am not new here. Not new at all. I've been here for twenty..."
Staring hard into the counter she said "Twenty four years."

I did not ask her
What keeps her here
If she likes it
What brought her here in the beginning
If she plans to work here much longer
or
If that red hair is dyed or natural

But I do wonder.

Living the retired life.

This is me on the balcony outside of my bedroom. I love this balcony so much. It's where I do my reading and tea-sipping.

photos from Paris.

The Louvre. These people are taking photographs of the Mona Lisa.

Taken from inside the Louvre.


Background: The Eiffel tower at night. Foreground: one of Louise Bourgeois' massive spider sculptures. The photograph was taken on the private grounds of the Louvre which were closed for the evening. But we hopped the fence so that we could take a late night stroll. We were found by security and were politely escorted off the grounds.

Notre Dame Cathedral.


Taken from the top floor of the Pompidou.

a love letter

Dear Café Langeboom,

They said that I would never find a place like you – not here at least – that I would have to go to a more international city like Amsterdam.

I was truly appalled. I mean, my requirements really weren’t so strict. I simply wanted to find a nice café with a cozy atmosphere – good music and a friendly staff – and a varied menu with reasonable prices. A cafe that opened early and closed late. A café with big windows and old, mismatched furniture – you know, the kind of furniture that has character.

Okay, so perhaps this was asking a lot. All that I really needed was a place where I could go to drink a coffee and read a book for a couple of hours – a place that was neither my bed nor the library, that is. Spending too much time in either of those places can get pretty damn depressing if you ask me. However, I was assured by many people that such a café did not exist here because it is not “typical Dutch” to read books in public.

I wondered where, then, Dutch people went to read. I had heard that the Dutch valued their personal space but surely they did not do all of their reading in the privacy of their own homes! No, there had to be another place. I imagined secret underground book-reading labyrinths with dimly lit rooms, an infinite supply of coffee, and large, comfortable sofas. A plethora of tiny rooms where people could go for hours or days to delve into their novels and textbooks – and then re-emerge into the city streets of Tilburg – minds bursting with science-fiction adventure, economic formulae, and philosophical inquiries.

Unfortunately, if such labyrinths did in fact exist, they remained unknown to me. So I did what I had to – I accepted the cruel truth that the kind of café I desired simply did not exist in Tilburg and I spent the next few months in the university library – my eyes suffering under the bright fluorescent lights and my desire to read stunted by the offensively early closing hours.

Until, that is, I discovered you, Café Langeboom. How it’s possible that you went unnoticed to me for all those months remains a mystery – you are situated at quite possibly the busiest and most interesting intersection in the city centre – busiest because you stand at the point at which five roads meet, and interesting because the large old tree that provides shade to your outdoor patio is quite the visual spectacle – it has been decorated with plaster ears and a beating heart – a form of protest against the mayor’s decision to tear it down.

Yes, Café Langeboom, you meet all of my requirements and then some! Perhaps my only disappointment is that, unlike secret-underground-book-reading-labyrinths, you do in fact have a closing hour each evening.

package on the stairs

package on the stairs
second one from you this week
my address filled out completely this time
'Netherland' written in Grandma's handwriting
not yours

finger in the fold
the sticky inside
I try not to tear it too much
as I pull the contents out

two pieces of notebook paper
eager handwriting
exclamation points
this one's different from the rest

a number 2 pencil
you found it on the ground!
outside of your building the other day!

an eraser
you found it outside the elevators!
it works really well too!
and I should not sell it to anybody!
but if I did I should not take less than $50 for it!

a newspaper article
about the bridge I used to ride my bike across daily
it's closed now for repairs

chapstick
the kind I know you love
a package of three
one missing
resealed with scotch tape

cherry flavor on my lips
and in an instant you are here